there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
