garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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