these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
smell my finger.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize