so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he was CRYING into my vagina
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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