she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
