my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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