I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
