Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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