just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
