Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
