Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
