Jerry, you need to find god
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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