I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
