i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
