this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
