I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
