So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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