i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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