careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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