No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know her cup size but not her name....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
