I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
