You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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