i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
handjob tips. give me some.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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