there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
