I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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