I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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