Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
