he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Text me some of your sweat
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