stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Randomize
