pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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