fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
