you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
