Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
