Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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