Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
