so that wasnt chicken after all
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
