she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
