Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
