and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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