Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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