I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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