just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
