The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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