grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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