I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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