u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
