I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
