she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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