I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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