My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
