I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
