I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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