My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
