I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
