I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
