im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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