Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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