I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
