she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
