Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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