my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
