I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
