Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
