Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
