Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
