So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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