hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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