Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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