Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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